Saying Goodbye.

I swore to myself I'd never let it go. I wanted to prove to him that I would be there until the end. But I guess Heavenly Father has another plan. I never thought it would come to this. I've written it. I'm waiting for the right moment. It's so scary. I'm terrified. I've cried for hours about it. I've gotten the impression and confirmation that I should do it. But if anyone, I know what it's like to not be able to choose. I've been there. I don't want to put anyone else through that. Especially the ones I love. I think I found the one for me. And this is the only way for me to really know. It's the only way for me to move forward to my future. I have support from so many people, you'd think it wouldn't be so bad. But right now, I am just trying to muster up the courage to do it and get the faith that it will all be okay. That he'll be okay. That I'll be okay. I've been praying like crazy and it's been helping a little bit. I just need to remember that I did the best I could. I guess that's all that really matters. There are going to be some people that will shout for joy, one will feel like she won. He's told me otherwise and continues to tell me every few weeks. This is trying my stubborn-ness. But you know what? It was never a contest. I love him and I'm so proud of him and the difference he is making. He is going to be an amazing husband, father, and even a Bishop one day. Maybe one day we will be able to be friends again. I'm not ready for this change, but you know what they say, when you're forced out of your comfort zone, it's the Lord's doing.

Now I'm just waiting for the right moment to send it....

I saw this quote today (ironically) and found it helpful.

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us...If we will put our trust in Him, if we pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

It's in His hands now.