Switzerland.

Basically,

In the words of Relient K--

"Who I am hates who I've been."

Lately, I've been so quick to judge. Quick to jump to conclusions. Quick to just drop friends as I feel have dropped me. Quick to think bad thoughts and have bad feelings towards people I love. I'm realizing that this is not okay. I shouldn't be like this. I've tried to avoid being in the middle & causing drama, all the while mumbling and murmuring to myself, and it just comes right back to me. Why is this? Why have I been so stubborn? Rude? Judge-y? In-Yo-Face?!

Because people keep pointing fingers at each other. Someone tells me that someone else did me wrong. I trust that person, so I believe them. (Yes, I know this is my fault, but I'm only human. I'm not perfect.) But then when I confront the other person (or not) about it, they freak out and become upset with me. People point fingers and I feel like I need to defend them. I defend friends, but when friends are pointing at other friends, I feel like I'm being thrown around.

I just can't handle it anymore.

So from now on, I'm Switzerland. Neutral. Just there.

Something I've learned recently:

Forgetting is one thing. Forgiveness is another. You can put things aside and just keep yourself from thinking about it. You actually have to try to forgive someone. It takes effort. And sometimes it feels like it's absolutely impossible to forgive someone for something. It may seem like this at that certain time, but I think that down the road you realize that it's a blessing in disguise.
You find out what you want, what you don't want, who you are, and who you are not. You receive something so much greater than what you had. Hard to think about at the time, but over time you realize it.

(Time for a random quote that really has nothing to do with this post--it just fits with what I just said.)

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."

-Marcel Pagnov

Getting back on track....


So what does this all mean to me?

I have decided that I am going to put myself on a never-ending-quest of self betterment. I'm going to try my hardest to stop being the way I've been lately. I'm going to try to stop judging, being quick to jump to conclusions, and just try to be a good friend. I'm going to try real hard to not become offended easily; not take things so personally.

I am going to become the person my Heavenly Father wants me to be.

Last week I was venting to my best friend about friends who I felt had done me wrong. Talked badly about me behind my back, was rude, or whatever else. The only thing he said was...

"Don't be too hard on them. Jesus Christ would have forgiven them in a heart beat, so that's what we should do."

I was too upset and mad to actually think about it.

Now, looking back, I'm sitting here wondering: "Why didn't I realize this before?" I'm for real about to kick myself. My best friend was right. Sitting here and thinking about Christ...He had the upmost ultimate betrayal. People walked away from Him. People spit on Him and treated Him in the most terrible of ways. Even killed Him.

And what did He do? He loved them. He loved them so much. He begged his Heavenly Father to forgive these people that did him wrong so badly.

I'm going to try my hardest to be like Him. To be as forgiving and kind as He is. This is going to be a very difficult challenge for me. My knees aren't going to be as smooth as they've been lately. I want to learn the true meaning of forgiving people. & that is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to make myself a better person.

After all, life is about being the best you can be, right? So why not try?