Patience.

Two options.

Both out of reach at the moment.

One has a set time on when, initially.

The other does not.

So what am I doing?

I have no idea.

But would we even call these "options", options?

Or just possibilities.

I think that fits more.

Alright, possibilities.

Patience is definitely a virtue. And is it bad that, after everything that's happened, I'm getting a little impatient?

I can't help but wonder what is going to happen. When I'm lying in bed at night or just having a minute to myself to relax, it consumes my mind. Who? When? Where? It scares me. What if I miss my chance? My shot? I better not let that happen.

And that is why I'm doing things the way I am. I'm keeping a level head. I'm being open to new ideas and new people. I'm taking "come what may and love it" to a whole new level in my life. I have to. It's the only way to get through and be who and what I need to be.

So would we call these moments where the unknown scares the crap out of me, weakness?

Maybe.

Or just natural?

Probably.

Who knows.

But for right now, I have wonderful friends that need me, a loving family to look after, and a ton of school work to keep up with.

And overall,

I'm happy.