Sober.

So as I was driving all over Charlotte this morning, this song by Kelly Clarkson came on my iPod in the car. I hadn't heard it in a long time, so I listened to it. And then I got the chills. This song kinda explains exactly what I'm going through right now! The three months part is a little off, but other than that, I realized how much has changed, and how things are different now. Events leading up to this point in my life have changed me so much. And I don't know if what I thought I was doing is right anymore. What if there's something better? What if there's something more? I'm throwing myself into the unknown with this. I find that I'm doing things a little differently.

This past school year really tried me. I was forced to hold on to things that I never really realized were so important. Because of that, I have different views and perspectives. I have more courage to try new things. I feel brave enough to put myself out there more.

"Picked all my weeds, but kept the flowers."

People have come in and out of my life, and I'm realizing their purpose for being there in the first place. Some people have come in my life and I'm going to try my hardest to keep them there for as long as I can.

"I don't know, this could break my heart or save me..."

I'm really confused about certain things in my life right now. New things are coming up and I'm sitting here with choices that I know I'll have to make at some point in the future. What about the past? I find myself still attached. It's a good attachment, but I'm figuring out that the attachment is keeping me from other potential good things to be attached to. I've come a long way, and yes it's still a little hard, and I'm scared to death about going a different route, but I have got to try. Like, I'm terrified, because this is so different and I don't know what's going to happen. Of course, no one does, but have I ever mentioned that the future scares me? I've spent so much time trying very hard to be careful, and now that I trust myself a little more, I'm being a little less hesitant about this.

"I could crash and burn, but maybe..."

What if's are always on my mind with decisions. A lot of the times I walk away from the jump and say "No, I can't; it could end badly." or "Maybe some other time.." knowing that I would make sure there wouldn't be another time. Sometimes, I'm so indecisive that it gets to the point where I just jump and hope I land in something good. Well, I've definitely jumped, and I guess we'll see where this goes.

"No comparing, second guessing, no, not this time."

Here we go...

(by the way, I've been to that rock. Waimea beach, HI)